I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I am available for nakedness
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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