I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
