i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
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Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
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Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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