don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
