and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
