$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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