Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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