I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
