Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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