My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
