I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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