He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
