Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize