just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
