you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
