Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
