i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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