My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
