so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Two words: blizzard sex
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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