You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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