Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
