yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
