I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
