Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
