come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
