i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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