I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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