For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
