Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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