My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize