friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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