I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
