Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
