so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
