dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im holly from the hills drunk
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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