I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
