Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Pooping to opera.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
