Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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