Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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