would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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