she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
