i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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