Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
