Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
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Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
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oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize