Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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