I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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