if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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