Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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