if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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