I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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