i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
a search helicopter?!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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