I've blown a few things in my day
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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