Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
