Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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