Your face is a jimmy john
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
