No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
