Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
