So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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