Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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