I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
