the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
