You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I will be naked everywhere
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
