saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
