We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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