Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
