eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
