she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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