i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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