Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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