Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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