Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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