I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
