I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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